kitty_in_snow_blissMoan, moan, moan.
Ugh. Mmph. Mmmm…

That’s me, this morning. I can’t stop moaning. It hasn’t stopped yet, and I’ve been up for hours. Unngh. Gasp. Oh my goodness…

I don’t know what’s going on, but I feel as if I am in an ongoing post-orgasmic euphoria of just being, and being in a way that feels like it might go on forever. Almost too much to bear.

But in such a way that bearing it pastes a wide smile all over my face.

Half-closed eyes. Chin slightly elevated. Low sounds of pure bliss spilling out from somewhere in my neck, like a purring cat, toasting in front of a cosy fire.

I didn’t have the greatest of nights, really. Two or three trips to the bathroom, when the last thing I felt like doing was partially waking-up and shuffling in the dark towards relief. But each time, returning to my cosy duvet, fallling off that billowy cliff, back into sweet oblivion, garnished with dreams and unknown places.

By the time I made the supreme effort, and climbed out of bed to face the day, I was feeling almost too good to bear. Hence the moans. Not of discomfort, or of regret, but of pure ecstasy.


I toured the various cats, each one stretched-out or curled-up, beyond comfort and into a whole other dimension, and eased the rabbit out of its nightly coma, with a handful of parsley to put the icing on its cake. With a flourish, I flipped the switch on the coffeemaker, as I loped past, on my way out to the back deck to feed the birds.

The nuthatch, hopping from foot to foot, landing on my fingertips to choose a choice nut, signalling chickadees to follow suit. The song sparrow, stripy and full of perk, taking its brief break from practicing its bird-calls, to haul off a sunflower seed. And one for its new paramour, under the decking. The woodpecker, the varied-thrush…

The wife groaning softly from upstairs, stirring her way cautiously into the new day. Her smiling face appearing in my mind, being grateful and doing grateful things, just for the chance to be living her life with her chosen man. Planning her garden, no doubt, or considering which tasty meal to prepare, later.

Moan, moan. It goes on and on. Hours later, I am still moaning, but softly and randomly.
This is bliss, and I wonder if I should be worried. Will it ever stop? What if it doesn’t?

Could I bear a permanent state of whatever this is? But worry is the wrong word. I only smile as I consider it. And moan a bit more.

And life is like this, when one discovers life. An almost fatal wonder, barely describable.
I wonder how it could have escaped me for so long. How it escapes so many others.
Life, amid the howling savagery of the universe. How can this be?

It can be, because that is the nature of the savage universe. It is. It simply is.

12 Responses to “Bliss”

  1. Jet Brody says:

    Most folks don’t know how simple it is to live. Even fewer feel it. I love food.

  2. crow says:

    I imagine there are quite a few readers with their eyes out on stalks, each eye regarding the other, while muttering “WTF?”
    Or the new crow version: “WTFIT?”

  3. Ted Swanson says:

    How risque! How suggestive! Are you comparing your morning to what I think you’re comparing it to? I will be writing a letter to someone! SQUAWK!

    • crow says:

      I have no idea what you are referring to.
      Simply telling it like it felt at the time.
      And although it continued all day…
      It didn’t last.
      Thank God :)

      • Ted Swanson says:

        I do know the feeling. I think it is smart to liken a simple morning to that which men live and die for amidst a savage universe. Most people want to turn big-picture things into small-picture things. I say do the exact opposite. Most people want to turn the mysterious into the banal, I want to turn the banal into the mysterious, and the mysterious into the even more mysterious. A reversal of thinking can aide men on their path toward bliss.

  4. Matthew says:

    I feel somewhat cursed. Though I don’t doubt bliss is out there, and probably closer than I realize, I still find myself in the almost intolerable cycle of ‘the day job’. Like all the others, I put on my monkey suit and set off to ‘the day job’ on a serious of roads that resemble the clogged arteries of some boss somewhere. Anywhere. When I get to work I do the monkey dance. Sometimes I doubt if the others are wearing a suit or are real monkeys. Perhaps it is that they became their suit.

    Their ‘not knowing’ is their bliss. My ‘knowing’ is my hell.
    But perhaps only I am to blame for my hell by continuing to be in it. That is to say, getting too comfortable when I should have been formulating escape plans.

    Anyway, I read this article to my wife and she said “it’s so good to know there are people like that around”.

    I will find a way

  5. NotTheDude says:

    This is very interesting because already in my short life I have experienced moments like this when everything is perfect and you are not sure why so. I wonder if you ‘trick’ your brain into a sense of bliss. Anyway, it is something you can achieve, much like a Buddists speak of and that, so I have read, Christian theology describes Heaven as not a place, but a state of bliss.

    • crow says:

      There’s no ‘trick’ involved. More likely it involves the dispensing with all tricks, and returning to a primordial state of no-mindedness.
      I recently realized how often I have little conversations with myself, out loud, whereas until now, that was a strictly verboten rule I subconsciously imposed upon myself, never to do.
      Spontaneity is the thing. Something notably lacking in almost everyone.

      Buddhism, etc., may encourage a means of returning to now-ness, but only as an exercise to regain such a state. It is important not to confuse the exercise with the state.

      • NotTheDude says:

        I think I understand what you hint at in your posts when you speak of just being and I like that. It is hard when you think all the time rather than be. But you have reached that state through your own efforts which is wonderful.

        • unkempt says:

          I get exactly what you mean. Buddhism, Taoism, even Christianity according to the Cathars. Pagan and animist shamans. Really religion in general, the religious experience, is the total cessation of the ego, and a sense of awe or bliss as one realizes that one simply is a part of something bigger than the self. I’ve spent much time and effort in my short life chasing Nirvana/ego-death/enlightenment through meditation and/or psychedelic drugs. I think the point is not to try though, because the closest I’ve come (or the only time I’ve experienced it) is when I was way too busy making love to think about Enlightenment, or anything else at all.

  6. gg says:

    Good article. Those moments are worth everything. Descending a small mountain covered in forest and fog a few years ago. For a few seconds there nothing else existed except for this place and myself. It was just perfect.

  7. Wayne Earl says:

    The difference is one of gratitude for the simple things, and the humility of knowing exactly who and where one is. To be cherished for who one really is, to respond by striving to be even better.

    I had to learn precisely what i didnt want before I was blessed with moments of what I really did need.

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