Thank God for progress! Where would we be without it?
Progress is what brought us all out of the dark ages, where the common man toiled all day, while the common man’s wife toiled for him, all day, for little more than being able to survive the night.
Those were bad old days, for sure. Little point to life, you’d think.
But now, in the sunny present, things are very different. Most of us common men can lie around, drink beer and get high, tapping away on social networks, and sharing our vast wisdom on every possible thing, or maybe view porn while gorging on junk food, while dumping temporary partners, willy-nilly, on a whim.
Indeed, freed from the onerous and time consuming drudge of unimportant things, like growing food and gathering fuel, we have unlimited time for more productive things. Like activism, and demonstrations over this and that, or whatever caprice takes our immediate fancy.
To think! There were times when stuff like food, warmth, shelter, family, were important. It’s hard to even imagine what that must have been like. We know better now, of course, thanks to progress. Now we know what really counts: the names and appearances of random people called ‘stars’ who do mysterious things that magically render them famous, but are difficult to actually describe. We all might be like them, too, because another thing we all know, nowadays, is that we are all equal.
Which is why we spend large amounts of money – usually other people’s – on lottery tickets and gaming. Because, logically, being equal means we all have an equal chance of winning big, like the last big winner we are all equal to.
And if we tire of that, well, there’s always a bit of altruism, to rack up our social standing.
It’s a good thing, really, that there are still so many things to be concerned about, though, and so many remaining problems to raise people’s awareness of, because there are just so many hours in the day. Imagine what it must have been like to have to spend all of it producing useless stuff, like food, warmth, housing and clothing.
Yes, it is a happy time to be alive. We can rejoice in our incredible success as a species, having eliminated every possible form of competition, and replacing it with over seven billion of us. No bears, tigers, snakes, wolves. No mice, foxes, raccoons or ants. No birds, bees, slugs or fleas. No flowers, creepers, vines or trees. Nothing. How wonderful is that?
It really is a case, in modern times, of ‘Low-Maintenance’, and ‘Humans Rrrrrock!’
And God. Ah, such naivety beset our dimwitted ancestors. It seems so unlikely, in retrospect. Cavemen being scared of some angry old creator. You couldn’t make it up. It is ironic, though, somehow, don’t you think? That we still say things like:
Thank God for progress!