Furthest Right

How Trump should have handled the David Duke Question


We join our news disinformation program here at Circle of Jerks already in progress. The somewhat controversial Presidential Candidate from the NRX Party, Mr. Jonathan Peter Wilkinson, is preparing to sit down with the circle – the circle that jerks.

“Mr. Wilkinson, Good Morning. How are you today?”

“Oh, I’m peachy-keen, Lord Haw-Haw. How about yourselves?”
“Were fine. Thank you.”

“Now we’re all glad to have you here and congratulate you on your rapid ascent in the polls. But we do have this one silly, little question…We noticed that Caucasoid Domestic Terrorist, Ragnor Skolkruscher, who heads up the White Internet Supremacy Eliminationist Rhetoric Party (WISERP) has spoken favorably concerning your candidacy. This according to the always fair and even-handed $PLC Hatewatch Blog. What would you like to tell us about this, Mr. Wilkinson?”

“I’ll be succinct. Fvck You.”

The panel sits there aghast. Finally, the talented and lovely Ms. Tokyo Rose breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wilkinson. I fail to understand.”

“Ma’am, I’m not quite sure that you’re really sorry. However, I will try to simplify what was already a pretty basic response. Here goes. First, ‘Fvck.’ Second, ‘you.’ Is there any part of that which you guys are still too arrogant to understand?”

“Now Mr. Wilkinson.” Begins Walter Duranty of The New York Times. “Is this the level of dialogue you believe the voters deserve?”

“Why no, Mr. Duranty. I believe this is the level of dialogue that you deserve and here’s why. WISERP, on a good day; has almost but not quite as much political influence as The Onion or The Girl Scouts. So while I appreciate your recognition of how I’ve made inroads into the traditional constituencies of my opponents in The Democratic Party,* I question the timing of making Mr. Skolkruscher’s stated preferences an issue. I don’t recall you asking Mr. Sanders to explain his endorsements from The Spartacus Society or the ACP after his recent win in New Hampshire. I don’t recall you asking Mrs. Clinton to explain or disown her support from The New Black Panther Party after she racked up massive totals of the African-American vote in South Carolina. With the possible exception of Ms. Rose, none of you have any legitimate excuse to have your liberal slips showing quite so badly this fine morning.”

“But aren’t you concerned with how this appears?” Lord Haw-Haw interjects.

“I’m mildly perturbed that old cock-knocker Skolkruscher hasn’t died of The Syph. But beyond that, not really.”
Ms. Rose interjects incredulously. “You can’t just Twitter-follow guys like Ragnor Skolkruscher and not leave the voting public with questions and uncertainties. They track your Facebook friends and could get the wrong ideas. What do you say to this, Mr. Wilkinson?”

“Well Ma’am, I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t even count. If you have any further questions regarding what I really mean, I’ll have my press secretary send you a pdf of the Illustrated Karma Sutra for your records.”

“My Gosh, Mr. Wilkinson!” Interjects Lord Haw-Haw. “With that, we’ll move on to someone less controversial than Mr. Wilkinson. When we come back from commercial break, we’ll discuss how much money needs to be stolen from Whites and Asians to fund Bernie Sanders’ free college program here on the circle that jerks….”

*-WISERP is of course a fill-in for the KKK. KKK founder Nathan Bedford Forrest was about as likely to vote Democrat as either Jake Tapper or George Stephanopoulos.

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