Furthest Right

Why A Christmas Carol is consequentialist


Charles Dickens was early in developing the character traits necessary to be a dominating fekelord. He understood how to communicate to the alien species that is the conditioned Western mind. In his famous holiday novel A Christmas Carol, he tells us exactly what forms of communication fail and which forms succeed when attempting to tell Moderns they need to change or die. One can demur or accept his actual call for greater generosity towards others. It’s a message that can argued pro or con. What the reader should take away from the story is what messaging finally got through to Ebenezer Scrooge and unplugged him from The Matrix.

Dickens tells the story of how Jacob Marley is attempting to earn parole from some awful purgatory by convincing Ebenezer Scrooge to arrange a DNA swap with somebody with a sense of common decency. It’s by no means an easy task. Changing people older than 35 is generally a time-waster for the medical, psychiatric or religious professional. People who receive at least some measure of food, wealth, respect and sexual gratification generally continue doing the things that get them what they have. However, it’s not impossible to change people’s mind and Dickens shows us how.

Marley tries initially to appeal to friendship. He appears to Scrooge as a ghost, weighed down by chains and tells Scrooge that he will end up the same way if he doesn’t change course. This approach fails for several reasons. Scrooge is more powerful than Marley in the hierarchy. He’s running the show. He’ll never wear the chains. That happens to the Beta Male who isn’t a big, old swinging dick. Marley rattles his chains, pisses off Scrooge by disturbing his nap, but does nothing to scare Ebenezer straight.

Marley then attempts to appeal to the joyful innocence of childhood by sending the Ghost of Christmas Past. He shows Scrooge memories of what it was like when Christmas was fun and Scrooge had buddies and a great boss. This fails because Scrooge has no time for silliness and as a good Modern he is entitled to good Christmas parties and all the best albums and movies. These are his just due because Scrooge is a special snowflake just wafting on down from heaven. Scrooge just grumbles about how all those ingrates don’t throw him good enough Christmas parties. Marley has once more failed. Bah humbug!

Next comes the Ghost of Christmas Present. Marley endeavors to convince Scrooge that he isn’t really happy or doing well in comparison to The Ghost of Christmas Past. This utterly fails. Scrooge is a good Modern and only cares about material exteriors. Scrooge drives the Jaguar; Marley drove the used Lexus. Marley wasn’t even still part of Scrooge’s golf foursome. The Ghost of Christmas Present can’t say “Boo!” to a great success like Ebenezer Scrooge.

Marley has finally reached a point of desperation and exasperation. He wants to just write off Scrooge as incorrigible old hater. But he can’t or else the hell fires could be perpetual. The time has come for Marley to eschew niceness and mainline the harsh drug of reality. It’s time for consequentialism. It’s time for The Ghost of Christmas Future.

By using Consequentialism, Marley finally spoke a language Scrooge still understood. The Ghost of Christmas Future was bleak and horrible like the rewards of Modern Society to the soul that doesn’t rebel. Scrooge could still manage to understand that if he played a stupid game, he would win stupid prizes. When he was shown what would happen to him personally, he understood that the herd of moderns would no longer be there to protect him. When Scrooge was made to see that his safe space was truly an illusion. The chains of false modernity could not be wished away by an advertising jingle or a political slogan. In the vacuous glare of the malignant haunt Scrooge saw the empty, desolate evil of his own, personal Desert of The Real.

In showing Scrooge what was real, Marley gave him a better gift than he could ever have received. Thus it is my holiday wish for my five or six constant readers that they receive that gift of perception. No matter how ugly each of our Ghost of Christmas Futures may appear, embrace them. The Ghost of Christmas Future is that bad-ass uncle with the Kawasaki that may or may not bathe once a week. Nobody in the family really likes him, but every last one of the tossers secretly envies him his freedom from pseudo-erudite BS. That uncle sits you down as he kills a beer and murders a Marlboro. He tells how it really is even if it scares your little face off. He is the real spirit of generosity because he tells you what you need to survive in the brave, new world. To all of you brave enough to be Americans instead of Amerikans; Merry Christmas and New Year. (And Io Saturnalia just for good measure!).

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