Amerika

by B.M. Slurper

Last Monday one man was bold enough to confront reality. He looked in the mirror and asked, “what can I do to make this world a better place, and to fight all the evils within it?” The answer incubated within his head and called from within the depths of what could presumably be called his soul, and over time came to him with final certainty.

With a brave heart and stoic mind, Aaron Bushnell logged off Reddit for the last time, sent his farewells to his friends in Antifa discord chats, and went down to the Israeli embassy in Washington DC to pour a Stanley cup full of gasoline over himself. After a Sisyphean struggle to get his lighter to work, he erupted as walking blaze to fight for the rights of both a domestic mass-media and a foreign people who could care less about him.

The result was not only heroic; it was beautiful. Flames danced off of his body while he did a little shuffle ballet. No doubt a fiery performance. He fell with the gentlest of “splats” onto the pavement as his muscles became charred, the nerve endings in his extremities sizzled away in bright moments of intense heat, and prioperception in his feet failed, sending him to the ground like a burning sack of potatoes.

After his fall he lay, now darker than George Floyd and therefore more equal than the readers here, face-down on the concrete while panicked police surrounded him, pointing a handgun at the burning unconscious walking corpse, as awaiting the production of a terroristic acorn to justify dumping a clip or two into the twitching remains.

Many here may be tempted to call Aaron a coward, loser, maniac, or insane. I disagree, other than the point about Aaron being a loser. But Aaron did what needed to be done to all who are Redditors, Antifa, and Leftist: he removed himself from the gene pool and faded away as a reeking carcass leaking pinkish fluid while doctors attempted to nullify his delicious suffering with such an amount of fentanyl that the shade of George Floyd would greet him in Tartarus with a hefty, “damn nigga, you crazy son.”

Let’s ignore the Palestinian thing — it’s really not important here — because Leftists always adopt “righteous” crusades for the plights of foreign people, especially so if said foreign entity are bothering a less dysfunctional and more competent people (that part is ignored in the Leftist mind). They are contrarians who always find something to complain about.

The important thing here is that Aaron pissed his life away in a delightfully agonizing, absurd manner and he recorded it for our enjoyment. This is something that should be encouraged in Leftist circles, and the fact he was an Antifa and a Redditor will cement this action as one of the greatest eugenic acts of all time. Beauty and justice merged into one in pixelated YouTube clarity.

Even more, he brought us new lolcow fodder for the paranoid:

Aaron’s last Facebook post goes viralAaron ranted that he had “top-secret clearance” for military intelligence data in a call to his friend on Saturday night, The Post reported. “He told me on Saturday that we have troops in those tunnels, that it’s US soldiers participating in the killings,” the friend claimed.

The friend went on to suggest that Aaron had stated US had troops on the ground, who were killing large numbers of Palestinians. The friend believes these claims may be true as Aaron’s job was to process intelligence data and some of that was linked to Gaza conflict.

So thank you, Aaron Bushnell, and I hope you enjoy whatever miserable afterlife awaits you. You did the right thing and I hope more follow in your tarry footsteps.

Tags: aaron bushnell, antifa, leftists, reddit