Furthest Right

The Minecraft parable,or how I taught my son that socialism sucks


Santa Claus comes in many shapes and sizes. This Christmas he came to our family in the form of a Great Aunt who thought my kids’ school pictures were cute and therefore she would spoil them. A multitude of X-Box games appeared as if by magic beneath the tree. But the favorite one by a wide margin was Minecraft.

Therefore my son spent Christmas Morning mainlining Minecraft as if he were Slash or Duff during The Guns N’ Roses Heroin Era. He began to get really good at the lower levels. His adorable little sister grew bored with her Pony Castle and came to see what her brother was doing. She then spoke the evil magic words that set today’s tale into motion. She said “Me TOO!!!”

My son had no intention of unplugging brain from X-Box, but his little sister was determined. No Minecraft character ever survives having the X-Box violently unplugged from the wall. He had to give in and let his sister take a turn. She did terribly. She got slaughtered. The sad, sad boy had to start all over again from scratch. This gave his dad the opportunity to impart a fundamental ¡HATE TRUTH! It was time to teach this innocent young child that socialism sucks.

While my son stood there outraged at his sister, I twisted in the Rapier of Unfairness. “You two have to take turns every 15 minutes, and I don’t want to hear ANY arguments.” I explained.

So my son started off and spent 15 minutes a-strikin’ and a-killin’. He built a pretty tough guy with a collection of cool items in his pack. Then it was his hapless sister’s turn. She managed to roll down a volcano’s slope and into a puddle of lava. Anyone who was ever worked as a fry cook at McDonalds knows what happened to the Minecraft character my son had lovingly sculpted after that. So my son started over again. His sister did a little better the second time and gotten eaten by wolves in the forest.

At this point I intervened before my adorable daughter got her brains exposed to the atmosphere over a dumb video game and sat my children down. I explained to him that this is what socialism and fairness are all about. The talented and hard-working people don’t get to enjoy what they create until they have shared those gains with the least capable and least intelligent. As long as socialists gain power, you will never be allowed to enjoy nice things because it is unfair to people who are too stupid to create them. You are a slave to people who are too incompetent to shine your shoes.

Afterwards, I separated them by playing a game with my daughter and let my son plug back in. It is my wish for the new year that both of my children will remember that Christmas Morning when their loving father tried his best to give them the gift of Hate Knowledge. The ¡HATE KNOWLEDGE! that socialism in all its guises yea verily Sucks!

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