Amerika

The poor Baby Boomers: no one has dedicated a holiday to them yet. We are going to rectify that by officially designating September 9 — the day John Lennon’s “Imagine” was released in the US — as Pemmikwanzaa, a new bespoke holiday for Boomer tastes.

“Pennikwanzaa” derives its name from a portmanteau of “pemmican” and “Kwanzaa.” The former is the noble savage Amerind portable food similar to smoked fish and meat from Europe, and the latter is the African end-of-year celebration:

Pemmican: dried meat, traditionally bison (moose, caribou, deer, or beef can be used as well), pounded into coarse powder and mixed with an equal amount of melted fat, and occasionally saskatoon berries, cranberries, and even (for special occasions) cherries, currants, chokeberries, or blueberries. The word pemmican is derived from the Cree pimikan, meaning “manufactured grease.” Cooled and sewn into bison-hide bags in 41-kg lots, pemmican was a dense, high-protein, high-energy food that could be stored and shipped with ease to provision voyageurs in the fur trade travelling in North American prairie regions where, especially in winter, food could be scarce.

Peter Pond is credited with introducing this vital food to the trade in 1779, having obtained it from the Chipewyans in the Athabasca region. Later, posts along the Red, Assiniboine, and North Saskatchewan Rivers were devoted to acquiring pemmican from Aboriginal peoples living in the region as well as the Métis. Métis travelled onto the prairie in Red River carts (carts constructed entirely of wood and lashed together with leather), killed and butchered bison, converted the meat into pemmican, and shipped it in bags to such fur trading posts as Fort Alexander, Cumberland House, Fort Garry, Norway House, and Edmonton House. Pemmican was sufficiently important to the regional economy that, in 1814, Governor Miles Macdonell passed the disastrous but short-lived Pemmican Proclamation, which forbade the export of any food supplies, including pemmican, from the Red River Colony, nearly starting a war with the Métis.

You cannot find a more environmentally secure, progressive, woke, and pacifistic food than pemmican, which is why Baby Boomers instructed their children in the superiority of pemmican to all Western cooking back in the 1970s-1990s period. Boomers love pemmican.

Kwanzaa on the other hand is chock-full of Boomer favorites like pacifism, pluralism, return-to-nature, and other stuff they recommend others do but would never do themselves. You can smell the quinoa and arugula rising off this one!

During the week of Kwanzaa, families and communities come together to share a feast, to honor the ancestors, affirm the bonds between them, and to celebrate African and African American culture. Each day they light a candle to highlight the principle of that day and to breathe meaning into the principles with various activities, such as reciting the sayings or writings of great black thinkers and writers, reciting original poetry, African drumming, and sharing a meal of African diaspora-inspired foods.

Pemmikwanzaa brings together the non-White wisdom of Amerinds and Africans both, working in Buddhist and Judaic influences as well as the work of the Islamic scribes. If you hate the society the Greatest Generation made, Pemmikwanzaa is your revenge!

Every September 9th, we will gather to celebrate the contrarian ironism of the Boomers, who hated their parents so much they reversed everything they did but used the same logic to justify doing so, by eating Pemmican and worshiping Kwanzaa!

The “Me Generation” responded to the need for action to save civilization with a libertarian-progressive hybrid that emphasized bourgeois doing nothing and demanding that tax dollars magically solve the problem instead.

We can carry this forward with a new holiday where nothing is our fault, everything is a financial question, and each person is sovereign in their own desires, which requires sublimating nature but raising the social group to divine levels.

Pemmikwanzaa brings together everyone that finds reality to be an affront to their personal sense of total control and therefore, forms a social group to insist on symbolic illusion as a means of managing personal mental state.

Celebrations kick off at 9am with a “best of” Beatles and Afrika Bambataa set, followed by a late breakfast of quinoa and arugula with Canadian bacon.

Tags: boomers, kwanzaa, me generation, pemmican