Take me to your leader

I’ve often wondered how it would go, if an alien landed and walked up to the nearest human.
Would an alien assume that all humans were ‘equal’?
Would an alien be that liberal?
Or that naive?

“Take me to your leader!”
Well now. That’s quite a request.
I don’t know anybody who has access to their leader. Which in itself is an interesting point. Unless we are talking Cub-Scouts, or something.
“Sure, come with me. I’ll trot you over to see Akela.”
But would Akela be the right leader?
Maybe only Lord Baden-Powell would qualify. But would he be the right leader?
Even if he was, it would prove difficult to arrange, since he is dead.

Depending upon who the alien came across, that come-across-ee might be a leftist, in which case he (or she) would be The Leader. The One. The Equal.
“Speak to me, alien. I speak for all.”
What would an alien think of this? Would an alien think, at all?
“You do not resemble a leader”, he might say.
“You stinking chauvinistic, sexist, misogynistic, prejudiced bigot!”
Zzzzapppp!
End of encounter.

Or maybe the alien would get lucky, and stumble upon a more reasonable human…
“Um. I don’t actually know where my leader lives. Or how to contact him. Or even her. I am sorry, I can not take you to my leader.”
Depending upon the alien, this might go one of two ways…
Zzzzapppp!
End of encounter.

Or, in the case of a more reasonable alien…
“Ah. I see. Well then, it falls to you to surrender this planet to me.”
Indeed, it could all get very tricky.

But probably the alien would not be able to speak English anyway.
And so I don’t worry that much about it.
In fact I worry about very little.

12 Comments

  1. ferret says:

    “But would Akela be the right leader?”

    No, because Akela has missed, Akela has missed, Akela has missed…

  2. EvilBuzzard says:

    >>>Would an alien assume that all humans were ‘equal’?

    2 Possibilities. He assumes we are either..
    A) Poison
    B) Snack Food.

    1. I always wonder about this. Any alien species capable of getting here from even a marginally-distant world probably needs nothing from us. They almost certainly can grow their own proteins, and have abundant sources of raw materials, since they can mine the stars and asteroid belts. If anything, they would be here to study the biology. However, we should also consider that panspermia may be an accurate theory — life may originate in roughly the same forms everywhere, and thus if aliens show up, they may look just like us. If that’s the case, it is likely that either (a) they walk among us or (b) we are ahead of the curve.

      1. crow says:

        Any alien smart enough to get here at all would probably want to have as little to do with people as possible.
        BTW, the photo is me.

        1. EvilBuzzard says:

          With the same haircut you had in your Army days? (j/k)

          1. crow says:

            Air Force (:>

  3. anonymous says:

    Sure, I’ll take you to our leaders at the INS.

  4. Magister Ludi says:

    There’s actually a UN procedure for that event. They would be greeted by the Secretary General of the United Nations and the members of the Security Council, and eventually they would be taken to the General Assembly in plenary session.

    1. crow says:

      I’m sure there is a procedure.
      But who would be able to contact the appropriate official on behalf of the alien? You? Me? I don’t think so. I would be hard pressed to track down a Notary. Forget the Security Council.
      Plenary? What’s that? Like Planetary?
      I think it would all be very difficult.
      Anyway: I’m sure an alien would be far more likely to demand the leader be brought to it, rather than it to him.

      1. Magister Ludi says:

        A plenary session of the General Assembly is when all 193 state members meet once a year. The Security Council could request an Emergency Special Session of the General Assembly if the aliens appear to be hostile or a potential threat. Forget the Hollywood movies, in the unlikely case an alien visits, the United Nations speaks for the whole planet.
        The bottom line is that leadership has been replaced by an impersonal international bureaucracy.

    2. EvilBuzzard says:

      It would make for an interesting time over at the Protocal Office.

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