In our society, what you see depends on what role you have.
If you are the CEO of a bank, you may “know” that traffic exists but never experience driving through it. If you’re an urban intellectual, you will “know” how farms work, but have no concept of the actuality involved.
All of us “know” many things about daily life and yet have never analyzed them except in that detached academic method where we consider them as if they were sitting on a laboratory table. They do not exist except in that moment, to be tested and then forgotten. They are not part of life as we know it.
In this same way, we are completely oblivious to those around us and their needs.
As you drive through the city, or navigate a grocery store, go to the library or even hit the convenience store for a half-gallon of ice cream, you encounter other people. Very often they are pushy, even rude, sometimes cruel, usually oblivious to you and whatever needs you may have.
What makes people behave in such a way? None of these people are having their needs met. It is important to distinguish these as emotional and social needs, not physical. Very few of us have found ourselves in the unfashionable parts of Maslow’s pyramid for quite some time.
But think about the psychology of someone with unmet needs. They now have a secret that others cannot know, because it will make them look weak; they also have a reason to be hurt and feel bad about themselves. Finally, there is someone responsible for these unmet needs, whether they know that person or not. They take it out on the world.
The next time someone elbows ahead of you at the store, cuts you off on the road, sneaks ahead in line, zips up in front of you to steal the pizza slice you wanted from the box, etc., turn the cold hard eye of analysis onto these people. What motivates them toward such petty symbolic victories? A sense of having lost, and of being hopeless. They have given up on actually enjoying life. To them, life is a life sentence.
Now, there’s an ugly little secret with a core of pure gold. If they knew the pro-active principle they would be able to escape their emotional paralysis. This secret is simple: even if everyone fails you, and everyone does you wrong, it’s still your responsibility to figure out a solution.
Think of being stranded on a desert island: no government, no other people, no gods and no charities will come to your aid. You either figure it out or become another dehydrated anonymous corpse. Why would your experience in society be any different? It isn’t, but they’ll tell you it is.
They will do that because most of them are bitter. The dream of a bitter person is passive-aggression. They either want to wreck what you’re doing in such a way that they are technically blameless, or to provoke you into wronging them in such a way that they are not the aggressor. This enables them to act as both victim and conqueror, although for dubious microscopic “victories.”
But it is amazing, when you look out over the span of a city that conquers earth from floor to horizon. All of this power, technology and wealth, and yet we have so many bitter and lonely people. Everyone else is to blame. Perhaps that is our society’s dirty secret: for all of our science, we cannot analyze the problems that originate within.
“They either want to wreck what you’re doing in such a way that they are technically blameless, or to provoke you into wronging them in such a way that they are not the aggressor. This enables them to act as both victim and conqueror, although for dubious microscopic “victories.””.
Guilty! That used to be my MO. I even catch my self doing it now from time to time. When I catch myself, I try to apologize and walk off. Some times I open my mouth and crap rolls out.
“or to provoke you into wronging them in such a way that they are not the aggressor.”
This is exactly how I’ve experienced workplace politics.
amen
Indeed, same here.
Passive-aggressivism is intellectual viciousness, and in social situations tends to give appearance near iron-clad leverage over substance.
I’ve seen passive-aggressives cost people their jobs, wreck people’s confidence (especially while I was a teenager), turn the closest of friends against one other, destroy relationships to the benefit of the aggressor…on and on. As soon as I recognize this as a dominant trait in someone’s personality, I make a mental note and and try to steer clear wherever possible from that point forward. It’s really the only option, because to overcome it would mean to rearrange the whole of society – which these days seems to be predicated on this very behavior.
We live in a world dotted with loons and hucksters, and the majority of them are able to pass themselves off as so…”normal.”
“Perhaps that is our society’s dirty secret: for all of our science, we cannot analyze the problems that originate within.”
That is very true statement; except for the word ‘cannot’. I imagine once you experientially learn that the word cannot is really not accurate, and that the accurate word is ‘don’t want to’…. you see the your whole picture from a new perspective.
Choosing to be responsible for our own happiness, which necessarily includes embracing our sadness and anger and fear and rage, is a choice; it is sort of like making a commitment to find out how to love yourself. It is impossible to really unconditionally honestly and sincerely love another, until you have leant to love yourself. Loving ourselves means loving our dark sides, our crazy, our eccentric, our skeletons we would prefer to hide not only from the world, but also our own consciousness, so we can pretend that aspect of who we are does not exist.
That is the difference between ‘I cannot’ (which is really denial of the responsibility of saying: I don’t want to, I am afraid)…. and once you have made the choice to face your fear… it becomes ‘I WANT TO’… ;-)
That is my point percisely
Very cute goat!! Was that intentionally Baphomet symbolic; or just cause the picture was cute?
That looks like the sort of goat that climbs Argane trees in Morocco.
Often when I have simply no idea what kind of image to put with an article, I default to my favorite subjects, which includes animals and forest scenes of all kinds. I am particularly fond of goats because I think they are extremely Zen. This might make them seem upsetting to those who suffer undue attachment issues, but I find it comforting.
Jaques:
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
As You Like It Act 2, scene 7, 139–143
victimhood is the greatest costume ever invented, it literally makes soft-genocide seem “morally required”. if only there as a way to harness that “righteous” (read:self-serving, i.e. look “good” for the ladies, i.e. get laid) energy and utilize it for CONSTRUCTION and not DESTRUCTION, even the nazi’s attempts to utilize the german versailles victimhood mentality to “save the reich”, utterly destroyed the concept of “germanic people” (i.e. identity politics) worse than atilla ever could have.
Insightful. It’s passive aggressive camouflage.
>>>>The dream of a bitter person is passive-aggression. They either want to wreck what you’re doing in such a way that they are technically blameless, or to provoke you into wronging them in such a way that they are not the aggressor. This enables them to act as both victim and conqueror, although for dubious microscopic “victories.”<<<<
You've been around blogs too long. I prefer other bloggers who just tell me I'm full of it to the passive-aggressives. Anyone who ends a post with the words "just saying" should be hung by thier genitalia and devoured by rabid weasals.
The irony is these blog authors are full of passive aggression themselves.
.. Just saiyan’
move along nothing to see here, i have erected a “do not feed” sign, please direct you comments to serious and meaningful discussion with the idea of illuminating for all the false mask of victimhood of moral degeneracy and bringing out the true honest nature of all life!
“the idea of illuminating for all the false mask of victimhood of moral degeneracy and bringing out the true honest nature of all life!”
Don’t you think you’re being a touch melodramatic
This from the Drama Queen.
Now there’s irony for you.
I have ups and downs
That’s about the first reasonable thing you’ve come out with. What are you doing? Practicing your insane act? May it stand you in good stead, come the impending Grand Collapse.
Jesus christ is there ever a time when you people aren’t so goddamn smug? I was serious. I have ups and downs. What I wrote then was exactly how I saw the world then, and up until that last patronising comment, I was feeling pretty okay about things.
Well, you know, Amerika isn’t actually all about you. Leave your ego at home and visit us without it. You’ll find we are an intelligent, thoughtful and brotherly bunch, as long as you are, too.
But enough of the extreme right-wing remains in some of us that we’ll jump all over you if you don’t behave.
We aim for reasonable balance, with mixed results. No saints here, but no assholes, either.
“Amerika isn’t actually all about you.”
You have got to be shitting me.
Unlike some, I do not “shit” people.
Didn’t you understand my words?
The irony is these blog authors are full of passive aggression themselves… Just saiyan’
1) Cute. Passive-aggressive, but still cute.
2) The rabid weasals shall arrive in 10, 9, 8….
Most definitely. That way, the dialogue is about the topic of discussion. With a passive-aggressive, it’s always about personalities.
However, I don’t think p-a is limited to the blog-o-sphere. It’s very prevalent in daily life. It is amplified by computer use, and I saw that happening before blogs existed.
oh jesus he can’t pick up on my sarcasm lol.
I take that as high praise.
I have no use for sarcasm, and, actually, neither does anybody else. It’s a shame that so few people realize the damage sarcasm does. Without it, they might even be able to get along with each other, and with themselves.
For some reason, I see an impending circular argument looming in our near furure. Does this make me clairvoyant or just able to analyze patterns to predict outcome?
It makes you the victim of assumption.
I will shortly disengage :)
That was great! I’m in stitches.
I overlooked the third option, you wise old bird. :) :)
Deadpan humour – Too liberal for Amerika
Deadpan humour – In your case, the only thing missing was the humour.
In praise of rabid weasels…
Sarcasm, like irony, is often (but not always) used by the passive-aggressive as a way of giving themselves an escape when their nasty comments get noticed in public.
“Oh that, I was just kidding or being ironic. Either way, I wasn’t the one who caused this confrontation, you are. So you can’t blame me!”